The Faith Journey series of testimonies have been presentations by members of the congregation on that person's life and relationship with God.

I grew up going to an American Baptist Church. It was my father's church, and his father before him: the First Baptist Church of Urbana, Illinois. I went to church every Sunday with my family as a child, and I am sure I heard the message that faith should be exercised every day of the week and not just on Sunday. However, as a child, my faith did not affect my life much on a daily basis; that is, I did not pray before bedtime or meals, read the Bible, or even think of God or Jesus consciously in relation to what I did each day. Those in my family were not demonstratively religious in that way either. I do know, however, that I had a very loving home, and I know that many of the values our family expressed were grounded in our church faith.

At the age of 13, I experienced a phase of depression. Perhaps the depression was due to the fact I had changed schools as I entered junior high, and was finding it a challenge to find friends among a new set of students. Perhaps, the depression also came from my adolescent age, and the hormonal changes that upset my equilibrium. It also came from the fact that at that age, I was to trying to solve the problem of the meaning of life, death, and the universe. Of course, if you have read the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, then you know that the answer is "42."

Anyway, as I entered my teen years, I was thinking about the depressing fact that everyone dies. We know that all of our ancestors have died, and we have good reason to expect that all those who have not yet even been born are also going to die. So as I contemplated the situation, it seemed to me to be a most senseless existence. What was the point of it all? I recall that I was sitting in our living room one day at my home, staring out the picture window with this vision of gloom and doom looming over me. My mother walked by, and asked me about what was troubling me. I said to her, "Mom, why are we here? What is the point of it all, if later we are just going to die anyway?" Now that I am a mother of a youngster, I can imagine if I were in my mother's shoes, I would be thinking: "Help! Wait right there a few minutes while I read up on this; I don't remember what Dr. Spock said to do when our children go through this phase!" But my mother did not seem to recoil, and her thoughtful reply was, "Well, Carol, God created the world, and He said it was good." I don't recall whether we said anything else, because those were the words that the Holy Spirit used to move me to what I consider to be my first faith experience. I knew at that moment I really wanted to know the God who had created the world and said it was good.

I went to my room and picked up the Bible. I started with Genesis chap.1 and read "God created the world…" I learned that He didn't just create the world, he created the universe… and as He kept creating more and more, He kept saying it was good. In that same sitting, after reading some Old Testament, I switched over to reading the New Testament, starting with the Gospel of Matthew. In Matthew 5, I began to read the Sermon on the Mount. As you may know, it begins with the Beatitudes "Blessed are the poor in Spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven; blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted;" until one of the last is "blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness," and I knew that I was hungry for a right relationship with God. As I kept reading on, the words were ringing true, and feeding my hungry spirit. In Matthew 6, I read that when we pray, we should not do it in public to be noticed by people, but we should go into the privacy of our own rooms, and talk with God by ourselves. When I thought about that, I started to develop an understanding that what life is really all about, is about our relationship with God. And I began to realize it really shouldn't matter that much what others thought of me… especially my peers at school, because what really mattered was what God thought about me.

In John 3:16, we find that God so loved the world that He was willing to send His only Son to die for us, to show us His love and forgiveness. And His love is faithful and constant. In Paul's letter to the Romans (chap.8), we learn that nothing, neither life nor death, nor things present, nor things to come, nor anything in all creation can separate us from the love that is ours through Jesus Christ. Since the beginning of that faith walk with God, I still have had other times of depression, doubts, and getting lost along the way. But through all those times, and so many failings, God has remained faithful. He has restored me over and over, re-centering me to faith and my relationship with Him. He has never failed to be there when I need Him. And I know that He shares the journey with us all. He laughs with us, and cries with us, and walks lonely roads with us.* I can tell you that my relationship with Him means everything to me, and I wouldn't want to be without Him!

* wording borrowed from Ann Kiemel's (1974) I'm out to change my world. Nashville, TN: Impact Books. See p.23.