"The Power of Forgiveness"
Sermon Presented April 24, 2005
Matthew 18:21-35
Sermon preached at Roundy Memorial Baptist Church
for
Clergy in Residence program UCM @ UWM
Last week there were several articles in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel concerning forgiveness, but the most memorable was the trial of the young man whose car hit Father Eleazar Perez. Perez is the Milwaukee priest who lost his left leg in that hit-and-run accident. Father Perez walked into court on one leg and crutches and pleaded for leniency for the man who ran into him. The judge, prosecutor and defense attorney called the scene unprecedented for the tragic circumstances, the remorse of the defendant and the unconditional forgiveness and petition for mercy from the victim. This is the kind of forgiveness Jesus is referring to in our text this morning - forgiveness from the heart. Let's hear the story from Matthew 18:21-35 (Read text.)
Peter's question about forgiveness comes because of Jesus' previous comment about what to do if someone in the church sins against you. Now, Peter wants to know how to treat the repeat offender. When Peter suggests forgiving seven times, he is being generous because the rabbinic teaching is to forgive three times. You can imagine his shock when Jesus says you should forgive a person either 77 times or 70 times seven - depending on your translation of the Bible. Whatever the number, it's huge!
The grievance in this parable is a monetary debt - outrageous in amount with no practical means of repayment unless the debtor robs a bank or wins the Jerusalem lottery. But we're not only looking at a great debt here, we also see a monumental power imbalance! The debtor is a slave and the lender is the king. When the king demands payment, he states that the consequence of not paying will be the sale of the debtor, his family and all of his possessions. However, when the slave pleads for time to pay, he receives more than he ever imagined. His debt is forgiven! He owes nothing! Remember, Jesus doesn't tell this parable to illustrate compassion or generosity, but to illustrate forgiveness. The debt is forgiven!
Now back to the parable! After the slave's debt is wiped out, he grabs a fellow slave by the throat and demands repayment of a debt owed him that was a fraction of what he has just been forgiven. This second slave uses the same plea as the first: "Have patience with me and I will repay you." But no mercy is shown and the man is thrown into prison. How quickly we forget!
Well, this action doesn't sit well with the other slaves who know of the king's generosity, so they tell the king what they witnessed. Upon hearing the news, the king summons the offending slave and pronounces judgment on him. He hands him over to be tormented until the entire debt is paid. The punch line: God will do the same to you if you don't forgive your brother or sister from your heart.
Now let me make something clear! Jesus isn't suggesting that a person in an abusive relationship continue to go back again and again for more abuse nor does he say that we should continue to loan money to an irresponsible person. He doesn't ask us to repeatedly set ourselves up for abuse when an offender isn't willing to hear our grievance and repent. Another thing to consider is that Jesus doesn't give a timeline for forgiveness, and this is encouraging because we know that some issues can take years to resolve. However, Jesus does say that we are to work through our anger and forgive an offender from our heart.
Both the king and the forgiven slave have power in this story, and they can choose how to use their power. The king uses his power to forgive, and the slave uses his power to control his debtor. The king shows mercy, forgiveness and finally judgment, and the slave shows violence and unforgiveness.
We all know that forgiveness is difficult! When great harm is done to another and there is no repentance, we don't want to forgive. We know that experientially. Those who have been sexually, physically or verbally abused know how difficult it is to forgive. Those who lived through war or the Holocaust or terrorists attacks or have been oppressed because of race, gender or sexual orientation know how difficult it is to forgive. Those whose children were killed - no matter what the circumstances - know how difficult it is to forgive. We're talking about monumental offenses here! Because of this degree of gravity, it's best to begin forgiving small offenses and then move to the more grievous! Many need professional help to handle these huge offenses!
Last February I spent a week at UWM in their Clergy in Residence program. At that time I spoke with students both individually and in a discussion group about this issue of forgiveness. I wanted to know what kind of forgiveness issues university students deal with and how they process them. I wanted to know if their faith or religious background helped them to forgive.
The students were wonderful! They were open and vulnerable. I learned that most of their forgiveness issues arise within their closest relationships. For these students, dads and older siblings top the list of family members who need to be forgiven. Also, roommates, formerly close friends, and intimate relationships present great difficulties when it comes to forgiveness.
I want to share a moving success story that one of the students shared. She gave me permission to include her story in this sermon. This young woman resented her father because of his alcoholism. The rest of her family fed that resentment as they teamed up against him. Her father became his addiction! His good qualities went unrecognized and unacknowledged. He was the outsider in the family.
But while away at school, this young woman decided that the grief of separation was greater than the embarrassment and hurt caused by his addiction and she forgave him. Her eyes sparkled with tears as she shared that he still has problems with alcohol, but her love for him continues to grow. When she calls home, she hopes he will be the one to answer the phone. The healing of their relationship came when she was ready to forgive him - and to continue to forgive him again and again - 70 times 7 - if necessary.
When I was in seminary, a dearly loved professor stated that forgiveness wasn't an option but a requirement. I countered with: "What if a person has done something horrible in the name of God, has harmed many young people and won't admit that he has done anything wrong, why should I forgive him?" I will always remember his reply. He said: "Jo Ellen, you don't forgive him for his sake but for yours. If you don't forgive, you are the one who will suffer." How right he was! It was years before I found the grace to forgive him, and I suffered in the meantime.
Anne Lamott says in her book Traveling Mercies that "Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die" (p. 143.) She also says that "God loves us exactly the way we are, and God loves us too much to let us stay like this" (p. 144.) When we don't forgive, we suffer and suffering isn't God's desire for us.
Do you recall the end of the parable? Jesus said: "And in anger his lord handed him over to be tortured until he would pay his entire debt. So my heavenly Father will also do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart." I believe Jesus is saying here what psychologists and psychiatrists have been telling us for years - that buried anger and unforgiveness can eat away at us and cause headaches, anxiety, depression, stomach problems, insomnia and mental disease. Our minds and bodies cannot handle an unwillingness to forgive.
Jesus says that because God forgives us, we must forgive; - not sometimes, or when we feel like it, or when the offense isn't too great, but always. If we don't forgive we will pay the consequences.
For good mental, physical and spiritual health, it's important to keep current with forgiveness issues. Forgive the neighbor who mows the lawn on the one morning you can sleep, the one who borrows things and never returns them, the one who offers only criticism and never positive comments and the one who cuts you off on the freeway. Forgive and forgive and forgive!
One of the UWM students stated that by praying the Lord's Prayer daily, she remembers to forgive each time she reaches the part that says: "Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors." Soul-searching isn't reserved for Lent or Advent, but should be a daily practice, and the Lord's Prayer can help.
I would like to close with a little fable of unknown origin called The Magic Eyes. In the village of Faken there lived a long thin baker named Fouke. He was so upright that he seemed to spray righteousness over everyone who came near him. His wife Hilda was short and round and she did not keep people at bay with righteousness; but seemed to invite them to come close in order to share the cheer of her warm heart.
Hilda loved her husband, as much as he allowed her; but her heart ached for more. And there in the bed of her need, lay the seed of sadness. One morning, after working since dawn to knead his dough, Fouke came home and found a stranger lying on Hilda's bosom.
Hilda's adultery soon became the scandal of the Faken congregation. Everyone assumed that Fouke would cast her out, but he surprised them by keeping Hilda as his wife, saying he forgave her.
However, in his heart of hearts, he couldn't forgive her. Whenever he thought about her, his feelings were angry and hard; he despised her as if she were a common whore. When it came right down to it, he hated her and he only pretended to forgive her so he could punish her with his righteous mercy.
But Fouke's fakery didn't sit well in heaven. So each time that Fouke felt his secret hate, an angel dropped a small pebble into his heart. With each pebble, Fouke felt a stab of pain like the pain he felt the moment he came on Hilda with the stranger.
The pebbles multiplied and Fouke's heart grew so heavy that the top half of his body bent forward so far that he had to strain his neck in order to see straight ahead. Weary with hurt, he began to wish he were dead.
One night the angel came and told him how he could be healed of his hurt. The only remedy was the miracle of the magic eyes. He would need eyes that could look back to the beginning of his hurt and see Hilda, not as a wife who betrayed him, but as a woman who needed him. Only a new way of looking at things through the magic eyes could heal his hurt.
Fouke asked how to receive the magic eyes. "Only ask, desiring as you ask, and they will be given you. And each time you see Hilda through your new eyes, one pebble will be lifted from your aching heart." Fouke asked for the magic eyes, and the angel gave.
Soon Hilda began to change before his eyes. He began to see her as a needy woman who loved him instead of a wicked woman who betrayed him.
The angel kept his promise and lifted the pebbles from Fouke's heart, one by one. Fouke gradually felt his heart grow lighter and he began to walk straight again. He invited Hilda to come into his heart, and she came, and together they began again a journey into their second season of humble joy.
Each of us holds the power to forgive. We can offer forgiveness to another and release him or her from the estrangement caused by the offense or we can refuse to forgive and hold the other in our power and us in their power. How will you use your power? Will you forgive?
