"Family Relationships"
Sermon Presented October 8, 2006
Mark 10:2-16
This summer I officiated at my first two wedding ceremonies
since coming to Wisconsin. I enjoy working with couples as they prepare
for marriage because I want their marriages to be successful. Hopefully,
you noticed that I said "prepare for marriage" because so
often, couples prepare elaborately for their wedding and not for their
marriage. Often, the energy of couples and their families is consumed
with dress, flowers, reception, invitations, rehearsal dinner, programs,
and music, and there is little energy left for vows and premarital counseling.
I won't perform a ceremony unless there is premarital counseling because
I want the couple to take time to consider the important aspects of
a lasting relationship and the covenant they will make. I want them
to have a good marriage.
This morning's text concerns two topics that can be sheltered under
the umbrella of family relationships. Here Jesus addresses divorce -
the end of a marriage - and how to treat children. As background, most
scholars believe that Mark wrote this gospel about 70 CE, at the time
the temple was destroyed and Christians were expecting the imminent
return of Jesus. Mark believed the present age was in its last days
and that soon Jesus would return from heaven to destroy evil and establish
the reign of God as a new cosmic world in which everything manifested
God's purposes fully. Hear these exchanges: one between Jesus and the
Pharisees and two between Jesus and his disciples. Mark 10:2-16.
First, let's look at the purpose for the question put to Jesus by the Pharisees. John the Baptist has just been beheaded because he spoke out against Herod's divorce and remarriage to his brother's wife Herodias. Now if John lost his head over this topic, why not get rid of Jesus by baiting him to speak out against divorce too.
Jesus answers their question by speaking of what God intends for a marriage to be. God intends for a marriage to be a union between two people brought together by God, who become one in their goals. The text says that a "man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh…. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate." This is God's intention.
However, the Law of Moses provided that a man who wanted to divorce his wife had only to declare his intention, and then give his wife a certificate to prove she was legally divorced. It was a speedy process. The Pharisee's question wasn't to gain information, but was designed to trap Jesus into criticizing the union of Herod and Herodias - who each divorced their spouse to marry one another. These legal experts knew the law and even quoted it back to Jesus when asked.
But Jesus turned the conversation from what the law allows to what God intends. What God intends isn't negated or superseded by legal permission. However, this exchange between Jesus and the Pharisees left the disciples with questions and they broached the questions when they were alone with Jesus.
Let me read this part of the text from Eugene Peterson's translation of the Bible called The Message. Beginning with verse 10 we read: "When they were back home, the disciples brought it up again. Jesus gave it to them straight. 'A man who divorces his wife so he can marry someone else commits adultery against her. And a woman who divorces her husband so she can marry someone else commits adultery.'" These words limit the charge of adultery to those who divorce their spouse to marry someone else.
The Jewish community took a negative view of divorce and prescribed the death penalty for adultery. (No need for divorce under this penalty!) However, Judaism recognized that under some circumstances a couple couldn't live together and so provided a way for the husband to dissolve the marriage. By the time Mark's gospel was written, the death penalty was seldom used for adultery and the Jewish community debated the grounds for the dissolution of a marriage. For example the school of Shammai took the position that divorce was only permitted for sexual infidelity, while the school of Hillel allowed for divorce for a range of reasons.
In the text Jesus explains that Moses allowed for divorce because of "hardness of heart" - the inability or unwillingness to learn to live together. Jesus cites Genesis 1 and 2 as a basis for rejecting divorce altogether. God's ideal is for people to relate to one another as God intended. Under these conditions, divorce isn't necessary. However, life isn't ideal and people are imperfect!
The Pharisees didn't mention a woman divorcing her husband, but Jesus did. Herod's wife divorced her husband, Herod's brother, in order to marry Herod. So there were instances of women seeking divorce, but this was rare. Jesus placed women on equal footing with men in this teaching. He also took divorce out of the legal realm and placed it in the spiritual realm.
Another human relationship that Jesus addressed through words and actions is that of adults to children. Our society has elevated children far beyond the culture of Jesus' time. We want male and female children to be educated, cared for, and protected. We are outraged when we read of children who are abused physically, emotionally and sexually, because we love our children. We are saddened when the dissolution of a marriage devastates the lives of the children involved.
Mark tells the story of Jesus blessing the children. The manner in which children receive the realm of God becomes a model for adults. Children receive the realm of God as grace - as a free gift and it is important that we adults come to Jesus with a childlike acceptance. (This doesn't mean we shouldn't think!)
So, what does our text say to the church? Well, even though we don't like divorce and what it does to individuals and their families, divorce happens and the church must address it. How can we help divorced people cope with the reality of their situation? First, we need to listen and refrain from judgment. We can offer support when support is desired. (Do keep in mind that Jesus wasn't telling an abused spouse to risk physical and emotional harm to self or children just to avoid divorce.) Jesus offers grace - and so should we - to those who divorce. We can also provide a safe and nurturing environment in which children can flourish. The church must be a sanctuary for all people to grow in the love of Christ.
If we lived life as God intended; if marriages occurred because God joined them together; if children were safe and didn't need to be wary of teachers, parents, ministers, coaches, siblings, peers, neighbors or employers; if each child conceived was a child of love in a committed relationship; if everyone respected human life; if we lived in an ideal society - a perfect world - we could live without fear and without the necessity of human laws. However, we don't live life as God intends; God isn't the one who joins most couples in marriage; children aren't safe and must be on the alert for abuse; children are conceived through rape, incest and one-night stands; and human life isn't respected as mentally ill people shoot up classrooms and workplaces.
God desires the best for us and for our world, but people take life out of God's hands through poor choices. We don't love as we should, marry whom we should; give God's will priority as we should; and we aren't living our lives under God's reign as we should. Because we are human, we make lots of mistakes, but God loves us and forgives us. God also wants us to be able to forgive ourselves and one another and accept the grace God offers.
In our family relationships - our church relationships - our community relationships - may we open our minds and hearts to seek God's directions for our lives as we live life in community. God is faithful!
