"Letting Go"
Sermon Presented February 21, 2007
Ash Wednesday
Mark 11:25
I know that today is Ash Wednesday, and I know it is the time marked on the church calendar when we are to seek forgiveness from God for our sins. With all of my knowledge of what we should emphasize tonight, I'm not going to follow protocol because I sense that we need something different. I have decided to talk about offering forgiveness during the season of Lent to those who have hurt us - not all who have hurt us, but just one person. I want to take the emphasis off of us - our sins, our shortcomings - and put it on God who desires that we be healed from the inside out - who wants us to be whole and free from the burden of unforgiveness.
Tonight we begin our Lenten journey - a journey of 40 days symbolizing Jesus' own wilderness journey. Let me read our text - a single verse - Mark 11:25. "Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone; so that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses." Now you may say: "Wait a minute! The text says to forgive if you have anything against anyone! Yet you said you will challenge us to offer forgiveness to one person."
That's right! I'm going this route because I want us to begin on the path to forgiving, and we can only do that by forgiving one person at a time. When we begin and see the positive results in our lives through forgiving one, I believe we will prayerfully examine our need to forgive others.
When I was on retreat in Kalamazoo two weeks ago, one of the ministers, Cathy, told a story that evoked tears and amazement. Her only daughter - a beautiful and intelligent young woman - had been violently murdered two years ago in California. Cathy had just returned from the trial of the young man who had killed her. He was convicted of the crime and was awaiting sentencing when Cathy asked to meet with him. She asked for the meeting after two years of soul searching, personal counseling and several meetings with Sr. Helen Prejean, the sister who wrote Dead Man Walking. During this two-year period, Cathy progressed from an enraged mother seeking revenge and the death penalty to one who chose to meet with the killer and advocate for imprisonment without the possibility of parole. Cathy was able to forgive the killer, but she did not forgive the act of murder. She offered him the gift of forgiveness.
Now, I'm not suggesting that you choose the most dastardly deed ever done to you or to a loved one and then forgive him or her. No, I want you to start with one who comes to mind after prayer - probably a lesser offense, but not necessarily. It may be someone you have tried to forgive in the past - someone you want to forgive - and you just haven't been able to do it! You may know this moment who that person is, but if you don't, ask God to reveal it to you.
People who tell you it's easy to forgive anyone any offense haven't given more than lip service to forgiving. It's not easy! Sometimes we forgive by increments - always believing that now we've done it, only to discover at a later time that we have just scratched the surface of the hurt and forgiveness issue.
What is forgiveness? Well, first let's state what it isn't. Forgiveness isn't sanctioning unkind actions or forgetting what happened. It isn't justifying or condemning one's actions or seeking justice. To forgive, we start by acknowledging the facts of an injury - not sugarcoating the situation. It's important to acknowledge the loss you feel for what it is and recognize how you feel. Ultimately you have to come to the place of being able to let go of the hurt knowing that there may be no change in the offending person and perhaps no justice for what happened. Reconciliation may not occur. However, when we forgive a person, we take that person's power over us away. By forgiving the person, we choose to no longer define ourselves as a victim in relation to the person.
Jesus tells us to forgive, because he wants us to be whole. In the December 2005 issue of the Mayo Clinic Health Letter, this great institute of healing advocates that we acknowledge our pain; commit to forgiveness after recognizing change is needed; and finding a new way to think about the person who hurt us, accepting that our experience was painful. Sometimes the first person we need to forgive is ourselves for our silence at the time of the offense or in the time following.
As I prepared these words, I saw that where there is no forgiveness, there is brokenness - the topic for next Sunday's sermon. Then I began to realize that most of the sermons requested for this Lenten season are shaped around this broader theme of brokenness. Tonight is a perfect way to begin our Lenten journey.
Henri Nouwen said in The Wounded Healer that the authority of compassion is the possibility for humans to forgive their brothers and sisters because forgiveness is only real for those who have discovered the weakness of their friends and the sins of their enemies in their own hearts and are willing to call every human being brother and sister. (p. 41)
Let's look at the work sheet in your bulletin. The first bullet says to identify one person you would like to offer forgiveness to. Think of day-to-day struggles you have in your family, church, workplace or neighborhood. Consider what person is most offensive to you at this moment. You may know immediately who that person is and you may not. If you do, jot in the name, if not, pray about it between now and next Sunday. I'll bet that when you begin to think about it, you recognize the offending person and the situation or series of occasions that brings you to the need to forgive.
Next, you are asked to write the blocks to forgiving that person. It may be your self-esteem, pride, hurt or anger that you don't want to part with. Once you recognize the blocks to forgiveness, ask God to remove them so you can get serious about your task. One block may be that you don't want to have to confront the offender. You don't have to confront! In fact, some times it isn't advisable. Ask God to remove the blocks that stymie forgiveness from your heart so that you can move forward.
The next bullet asks who might be of help in the process. Sometimes it helps to have another more objective person to work with us on a forgiveness issue. Ask someone you can trust to give you honest feedback and most importantly, to hold your confidence. When I have faced tough forgiveness issues in the past, I have always needed the insight and help of another, and I am available for you if you like.
The next question is "How will I be helped by offering forgiveness?" Think about it. How long have you carried the burden? Does it make you happy? Does it ever rob you of sleep? Does it affect your relationships with other people? You have more space to write on the back of the bulletin if you choose.
The last is to pray for the desire and the ability to forgive. First you have to want to forgive! God can give you both the desire and the ability to offer forgiveness to another.
Let me offer a clarification. When I say "offer forgiveness to another" I don't mean that you need to approach the other and tell them that you forgive them. Sometimes this is needed when the wounds are open between the two of you, but other times it is best to do your forgiveness work between you, God and another trusted person. That other person may be able to help in the decision of whether or not to offer forgiveness personally to the offender.
Another warning, don't be discouraged if you find you can't do it immediately. If God gives you the desire to forgive, God will help you to get to the place where you offer forgiveness.
When we begin to practice forgiveness on a regular basis, we become willing to speak truthfully and patiently about the conflicts that arise because we can discern more clearly what is going on. We acknowledge the existence of anger and bitterness, and we seek a desire to overcome them. We begin to see the offender as a child of God. We recognize our own complicity in conflict, remember our own past forgiveness by others, and take the step of repentance more willingly.
I'm not saying that people shouldn't be held accountable for their actions. I'm also not advocating blaming others while exonerating ourselves. The desire is to discern the true issues in the conflict so that forgiveness can be offered with eyes wide open.
We also can make a commitment to struggle to change whatever caused and continues to perpetuate our conflicts. We want community restored if at all possible.
Learning to live as forgiving and forgiven people is a lifelong journey. None of us has learned all we need to know and all of us can teach through our lives some aspect of it to others.
C. S. Lewis wrote in a journal entry: "Last week while at prayer, I suddenly discovered - or felt I did - that I had really forgiven someone I have been trying to forgive for over 30 years - trying and praying that I might." Sometimes forgiveness is a gift we recognize only retrospectively after months or perhaps years of struggle. Let's embark on our own journey to forgiveness - beginning tonight!
